Let's face it, long-distance relationships are hard. But if you are dating or married to a service man, hard doesn't even begin to describe the challenge. That's why Kimberly Seals-Allers, with Pamela M. McBride, wrote 'The Mocha Manual to Military Life: A Savvy Guide for Wives, Girlfriends, and Female Service Members.' The book, among other things, provides practical advice on managing a long distance romance, coping with life as a newlywed, handling loneliness, mastering the military moving and living abroad.

The book serves an important segment of the population as wars rage in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the military remains part of the fabric of American life. Seals-Allers, author of 'The Mocha Manual to a Fabulous Pregnancy' and 'The Mocha Manual to Turning Your Passion into Profit,' and McBride are the perfect team to develop this much-needed guide. McBride has served military families personally and professionally for 20 years, including as a well-being program specialist for the Department of the Army and as a writer for the military life focused site homefrontonline.com.

"Consider this book your guide to manage every aspect of your new life: from all the crazy acronyms, rules, and bureaucracy to keeping your sanity during relocation and deployment,'' they write in the introduction. "And while other guidebooks may only tell you the official story, 'The Mocha Manual' tells you about the unwritten rules, guides you on how to work the system, and speaks to the special situations you may face as a woman of color.''

The authors answer some questions for BV Bookshelf via email:

Why Did you Write 'The Mocha Manual to Military Life?'
McBride: When I came into military life as a young 22-year-old, I had no prior experience with it, nor did I know anyone who did. But what I did have was a more senior couple who were mentors to us. They sat us down and talked to us candidly about military life: the good, the bad and the ugly. And they answered every, single question we had---no holds barred. My husband I have benefited from sooo many mentors during our 20 years. We also mentor other service members and families because we believe it is critical to thriving in the military. There are good times, too!

When my editor at homefrontonline.com recommended me to HarperCollins to partner with Kimberly-Seals-Allers on this third book in her Mocha Manual series, I thought it was a perfect way to mentor on a large scale. What would be the point of amassing all this knowledge and experience and keeping it to [myself]?

Military spouses are masters of supporting each other. With so many of us living farther and farther away from any military installation, especially the Reserve Component spouses, it becomes more and more necessary to reach out to bring us all into the fold so that we can benefit from each others' experiences.

And now, on the exact date of my husband's and my 20th anniversary in the Army [June 30, 2009], this book will be released. Since it wasn't planned that way, I think it was meant to be and destined for success in the military and civilian communities.

Have either of you been affected by the wars in Afghanistan or Iraq?
Seals-Allers: My cousin Jamis Seals is a helicopter pilot for the Navy and one of a few black females doing so and is profiled in the book. Our family has been deeply affected by her service in Iraq.

McBride: I have been directly connected with [people] personally and professionally every single day. Personally, my husband Doug was deployed to Iraq for 15 months. He has been home now for almost a year. But for a full 12 months before that, he lived almost four hours away [while] preparing [for deployment], so we only saw him on weekends.

Our children were in the second and eighth grades when he left for Iraq. He returned when they were in the fourth and tenth grades. That is a very long time in the life of children. He missed two of my daughters' birthdays and, of course, a host of holidays. My son went from middle school to having his driver's license by the time his dad returned [from Iraq.]

But email and other technology made it much easier for my children and I to stay connected with him than it was for me when he went to war the first time to Saudi Arabia during Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm in our first year of marriage (1990). Still, we had difficult times as a family and individually with our loved one at war.

As a professional, the war was 'in my face' 24/7 because at the time he was deployed, I worked for the Army Reserve as a family programs director. The biggest challenge in this job was establishing a program to serve about 160,000 children worldwide who had a military parent but who did not live near military installations and were unaccustomed to 'military life.' That also meant that in addition to trying to handle war in my personal and family life, I had to help so many other families do the same. I also had to help connect [people in need] with community-based organizations.

Day-in and day-out I heard the 'inside reports' and impacts of the war on families and children and it weighed very heavily on me. All the while, I worked with Kimberly on 'The Mocha Manual to Military Life,' quite a big undertaking during such a difficult time, but it was something I really believed in. Even from miles away, my husband supported me in this endeavor (and my first book was published while he was deployed).

Actually, the book appears to be written for women beyond the current wars. Was that goal?
McBride: Yes, it is definitely written for women beyond the current wars, but that is just part of its usefulness and relevance. There is an entire chapter dedicated to dealing with your honey being away. Plus, separation and deployment are also discussed in other chapters, including parenting, relationships (with your man, your family, your friends, and other military spouses) and unthinkable topics such as trauma and loss.

But also, this book covers every facet of military life, from dating and marrying a military man to getting through that first year of military life to preparing for his transition to civilian life, and everything in between. It also discusses managing your money, navigating the social scene and the bureaucracy, as well as maintaining your sanity when you are moving AGAIN, stationed overseas and when both husband and wife are in the military. All in all, 'The Mocha Manual to Military Life' is your go-to guide for everything military!